Mirror, Mirror
by RukiaRae
Summary: Robin reflects on the disintegration of his team and how he could've prevented it. ONESHOT Some rob/star nightwing/rae Rated for brief mentions of adult themes and language


**This piece is done to 'Mirror' by Lil' Wayne and Bruno Mars. It's a heavy introspection piece. It's a bit depressing, but hopefully it fits the song well. **___  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans or the song 'Mirror'  
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**Because there are quite a few flashbacks, I've put them all in italics. Hope this helps.**

**Enjoy!**

**~RR**

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Mirror, Mirror**  
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___They had been fighting more oft as of late and he couldn't understand why. About a month after they had returned back from the Tokyo trip, Robin began to notice Raven retreat further away from their friends. He had tried several times to get her to open up and each time he was met with her unprovoked wrath. He tried to be understanding-after all, she had dealt with a lot of things that he couldn't even dream of. But he had always been there for her and he began to resent her cutting him off. Every encounter with the dark girl he could feel his anger bubbling under the surface-masked but undeniably there._

___He knew during this time that she considered leaving the Titans, as they were now called, and she would often make such a threat during their fights. Robin could tell she was confused, about what course to take, and instead of actually helping, he'd made her decision an easy one._

**_With everything happening today_**

**_You don't know whether you're coming or going_**

**_But you think that you're on your way_**

**_Life lined up on the mirror don't blow it_**

_He remembered Cyborg's words while the team was in Tokyo 'Yo, man. You can't even see what's right in front of you. She likes you.' It had given him the courage to pursue Star, however, it took him awhile to realise that he'd misinterpreted his robotic friend. He was one of the world's greatest detectives and he hadn't noticed a small crush bloom from a member of his team who he happened to share a mental connexion with-yeah, he had felt stupid. And worse still because of the fights they would get into about the girl's reclusive behaviour. He couldn't understand why she wouldn't share something with him and he'd felt hurt. That day, he lashed out, causing irreparable damage to their friendship._

___He'd nearly had a heart attack when she was nowhere to be found that day-she had gone out without notifying her teammates. Angry, he'd stormed into her room when he sensed she was back and was shocked further to see the girl's arm bleeding profusely. _

_It broke him out of his trance, his anger gave way to concern, "Raven, are you okay? Who did this to you? The alarm wasn't sounded, I'm _so _sorry."_

_She shrugged and he noticed that his question was left unanswered._

_"Raven-who did that?" he asked sternly, eager to get to the bottom of the matter. She had just turned away, clutching her injured arm. Had anger not clouded his senses, he would've noticed the hitch in her breathing as she tried desperately not to cry. But he didn't notice; getting answers were the only thing that had mattered._

**_"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" _**_He'd yelled, frustrated by her lack of response. _

_It was unlike her to be so unresponsive. In the past few weeks, whenever they'd had their altercations, she always gave him some response, even if it was the brunt of her cold, unyielding anger. Today, he got nothing. She hadn't said anything and he was reaching his limit. _

**_You looking at me but I'm looking through you_**

**_I see the blood in your eyes_**

**_I see the love in disguise_**

_"Raven, we've always been there for you, why are you suddenly treating us like dirt? We're your friends," he'd said, anger slicing through his words. She sighed, "I can't do this now, Robin. Please go."_

_At that, he'd snapped. She was always pushing him away and he couldn't take it anymore._

_"Are you kidding me?! I went through Hell. For you. And this is how you repay me? By shutting me out of your life?" he'd shrieked, anger persistently keeping him enveloped in its haze._

_She turned to face him and he could see the revulsion on her face. Her irises were also blood red as she fought internally to reign in her anger._

_"What? I OWE you now?!" she hissed, her demonic baritone seeping through, "You should've left me there if that was the case. I did not know your chivalry came at a price."_

_Instead of backing down, he pushed on recklessly, "Oh yeah? Maybe I should've. God knows it would've saved me from dealing with this shit."_

_And in an instant her rage was gone, her demonic anger replaced by a deep and profound sense of hurt. As soon as it came out of his mouth, he knew he would've given anything to take it back. A more sensible part of him noted that she was already incredibly withdrawn-such a comment would only serve to alienate her more. But anger and pride reigned and he did not back down._

_Turning back away from him, she cried, "If that's what you think you may see yourself out!"_

_It wasn't until the crack in her voice at the end of the sentence that he realised she was crying. Dumbstruck, he remembered thinking that she hadn't even cried over Malchior. And that was precisely when Cyborg's words hit him like a punch to the stomach. _

_'_Yo, man. You can't even see what's right in front of you. She likes you.'

**_I see the pain hidden in your pride_**

**_I see you're not satisfied_**

**_And I don't see nobody else_**

_His mind worked on overtime to assemble everything into a picture that explained it. She liked him and he was with her best friend. They weren't covert about their relationship seeing as they'd assumed everyone supported it. It must have been this overt affection that kept her from leaving her room. Furthermore, he knew that Raven had deeply rooted insecurities-about her looks, her heritage, her ability to feel. And this relationship had thrown all of those right in her face. He felt like punching something-he was so stupid. So insensitive._

_He then registered the fact that her arm had been bleeding. And, as if one epiphany weren't enough, he'd realised just what she had been doing. He widened his eyes, standing agape, unsure of what to say. _

_He was unsure of what to say that would make her feel better without having to ruin his perfectly relationship and, as his brain wracked itself for the right words, she lashed out at him. Her powers hit him squarely in the chest, sending him flying out of her room. He ran back, pounding on her door, but her powers held it shut tightly, keeping him out. He had been selfish and it had cost him everything._

**_I see myself I'm looking at the_**

**_Mirror on the wall, here we are again_**

**_Through my rise and fall_**

He grunted, putting as much force behind each attack as he could muster. Ever since that day, he trained relentlessly. The training room had been equipped with everything- a punching bag dangled from the ceiling, weapons of all sorts were organised neatly on racks that lined the walls and weight machines decorated the area. An expansive mirror lined one of the walls, allowing Robin to examine his flaws-both physically and emotionally. It seemed, as of late, that's all he could see when looking in the mirror.

When he trained, he could feel the lack of ease in each of his moves, but it was better than stopping. When he stopped, his gaze was inevitably drawn to the mirror. Upon seeing his reflection, he would go through the process of self-loathing again...almost as though seeing his reflection reminded him of who he was. Insensitive. Uncaring. Selfish.

**_You've been my only friend_**

**_You told me that they can understand the man I am_**

**_So why are we here talkin' to each other again?_**

_Naturally, it didn't take long for his team to blame him (rightly so). When he'd relayed what happened to his team in the common room, they were aghast. Cyborg was furious that he hadn't done more. He argued that she was delicate and that he'd hurt her. They all had thought she was coping okay, but Cyborg screamed at him after hearing about Raven's arm. _

_He remembered Cyborg's words clearly. 'She needs help and we don't even know where she is! We could've helped her if you weren't so careless.' His voice had been steely, but the concern for his baby sister was still evident. He had been the first to quit the team._

_Beastboy was also stunned, 'Dude, don't you remember Malchior? She's more fragile than she seems. Cy's right, you were careless.' Beastboy's comment was said without anger, as just a simple statement, making it much worse than Cy's tirade. At least where Cy was concerned, Robin had someone to blame at the time to make him feel better-he could tell himself that Cy lost it and was too angry to think straight. But, with Beastboy, he had no such leeway. Beastboy had been completely calm and completely right._

_Hell, Beastboy had even understood her better. He couldn't help but wonder when this happened, when he'd lost the advantage of knowing Raven through their bond. Beastboy left hours after Cyborg, returning to the Doom Patrol for some time. _

_Starfire, unlike the others, tried to be understanding of her boyfriend's predicament. But, he soon fell away from her. Guilt clawed him each time he looked at the alien's face. He began to brood more and grow darker and Star could do nothing to stop it. She tried everything-she cried, she yelled, she begged-but to no avail. Her bubbly personality was unable to cope with his inner darkness and, eventually, she too left. Left for her home planet and never came back._

_At the time, Robin couldn't understand why Cyborg and Beastboy hadn't tried to give him another chance. He frowned, once again they'd realised something before he had-they saw he was selfish and unworthy as a leader, a role model. _

**_ I see the truth in your lies_**

**_I see nobody by your side_**

**_But I'm with you when you are all alone_**

**_And you correct me when I'm looking wrong_**

Nightwing ran, letting the December air tickle his skin as he lithely jumped from one rooftop to the next. His memories of Robin still plagued him, but he was glad he'd made the change to Nightwing. The alias reflected his serious nature and was a small tribute to Raven. The blue bird on his chest reflected the one mistake. It was something he thought about more and more recently as he grew up.

He'd taken her for granted and also hadn't realised this until too late. He expected she would always be around because of their bond and deep friendship. The day she departed he'd felt another pillar of his stable world crumble. He had noticed the empty feeling, the _hollowness_, but had assumed it had to do with the encounter, not the loss. He assumed it was from his team crumbling.

The years of introspection had given him some clarity, at least.

**_I see the guilt beneath the shame_**

**_I see your soul through your window pane_**

He could now see that he missed her. He was too stupid to see that she was everything-his friend, his rock, his (and the team's) glue. And, he'd let her go for an unsuccessful relationship with a pretty girl who could in no way compare to her. He'd listened to the media bullshit about how 'opposites attract' and how he'd needed a light in his life. And, he had felt that it was the only acceptable relationship-both to make the city and Starfire happy.

Once again, he was selfish. He'd used the relationship for publicity as well-he evaluated himself on the tabloids. She walked her own path, didn't care about the media hype. He didn't have this aloofness, not in his teenage years. The media, he felt, was a way to validate himself as the best. He was ashamed, remembering how his realisation of her love terrified him. How he wanted nothing more than to stay with Star and get showered with the accolades of 'luckiest guy in Jump'.

Because of this, he neglected to see her. He ignored her dark beauty, her friendship, their bond.

**_I see the scars that remain_**

**_I see you Wayne, I'm looking at the..._**

He splashed the cold water on his face and looked up into the mirror over his sink. His blue eyes were faded with noticeable bags and his smile was gone. He only existed for one purpose-to atone for what he'd done. He picked up the Nightwing alias, knowing that it was the only thing he could do in the name of his lovely Raven. He could perhaps prevent others from getting hurt. It also helped him ease the pain and keep his mind in check, if only for a little while.

As Richard, he started a charity to help women cope, to tell them that there were better ways than hurting themselves. He hoped that he could save more like her. But they would never be her. His biggest mistake. His biggest regret. His beloved.

Yes, it had taken this disaster to show him the biggest thing he'd missed all those years ago. He had slowly fallen in love with her too.

**_Mirror on the wall, here we are again_**

**_Through my rise and fall_**

**_You've been my only friend_**

**_You told me that they can understand the man I am _**

**_So why are we here talkin' to each other again?_**

He flinched, remembering the tension as he stayed at Bruce's after the incident.

_Bruce and Alfred had tried to be understanding, encouraging even, but all of them realised that he had driven away his team. _

_He remembered being too scared to tell them the whole truth-he was afraid of their rejection. He assumed they would figure it out, anyway. Yes, along with being selfish he was also a coward. Too scared to cop up to the incident to his father (or the closest thing he had left to one), to his team, and to the media. He'd used excuses to mask the depths of his fault. _

**_Looking at me now I can see my past_**

**_Damn I look just like my fucking dad_**

Star was easy. She was beautiful, but easy to deal with. He knew what made her happy, what made her tick and all of her likes and dislikes. This had also subconsciously factored into their relationship-he could know his girlfriend well and still spend time going through files and being his obsessive self. Part of him realised that with anyone else, he would have needed to devote time away from his career as Robin, a fact that scared him. He was just like Bruce-scared of dropping the superhero mantle, the one thing he identified himself by.

Coward was an apt description for him.

**_Light it up, that's smoke in mirrors_**

**_I even look good in the broken mirror_**

**_I see my momma smile that's a blessing_**

He groaned, he couldn't take it. He couldn't take the constant scrutiny he inflicted on himself. Lashing out, he hit the mirror on his closet door, watching in satisfaction as the glass broke and fell away. He barely registered the throbbing in his injured hand. After a moment he looked up at his reflection in the broken mirror. It seemed more fitting, almost as though it conveyed his broken spirit, his broken heart.

It took all the hours he'd spent scrutinising himself and, almost as if it held the memories of all of his faults he examined, physically conveyed what he felt inside. Thinking this, Nightwing knew he would never fix that mirror.

**_I see the change, I see the message_**

**_And no message could've been any clearer_**

**_So I'm startin' with the man in the..._**

He frowned at his broken reflection. He knew he needed to forgive himself, to move on from that day as the rest of his team had. He tried to analyse what was holding him back, what prevented him from moving forward. Walking to his bed, he picked up the only picture in his apartment. It had been before Tokyo, before everything had fallen to pieces.

It had been of him and her at one of the Titan summer cookouts. To take advantage of the good weather, they had often visited Steel City or had their friends from Titans East visit them. They would all go to the park for a cookout-Cy would cook burgers on the grill, Beastboy and Aqualad, after seeing they wouldn't convince Cyborg to cook that 'nasty-ass tofu blob on my baby grill!', began to bring their own meals along. In the picture, he and Raven were sitting on a park bench, her book resting in her lap. He remembered the scene clearly, he was trying to convince her to play volleyball with them. He knew what an asset her powers would be to his team and tried everything he could to convince her to join.

Wally had taken a picture of them sharing some private joke-both of them were smiling, looking at one another almost lovingly. He'd shown the goth girl the picture and threatened the girl with taking it to the media if she didn't play. Knowing she valued her privacy, she, reluctantly, agreed to play. Throughout the game, though, she smiled and joked with her teammates, showing that she was, in fact, having fun. Both knew he wouldn't have actually done anything with the photo, but it had provided the catalyst for Raven to play without a loss of her pride.

He smiled at the memory. He could feel the tears welling up and, for the first time in a long time, he cried. He sat on his bed, clutching the photo, and sobbed.

**_Mirror on the wall,_**

**_Here we are again_**

**_Through my rise and fall_**

**_You've been my only friend_**

He sobbed because there was nothing he could do to change it-to reverse the clock, so to speak. He was powerless to do anything. It felt like his parents all over again except with the knowledge that he _could've _helped. Could've seen the signs.

So now here he was, alone. He missed her advice and acknowledged that he could really use it at present. He missed her silent companionship, her ghost smiles, her understanding personality, her composed self.

**_You told me that they can understand the man I am_**

He closed his eyes, finding peace for the night. Unfortunately, he knew the battle would begin as soon as he woke the next morning. Still, he had these precious few hours to dream.

He would always dream about what could've been. The dreams weren't all the same, but they carried the same strand. He and Raven, together. And they were the only thing that could bring him solace anymore.

**_So why are we talkin' to each other again?_**

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**First, I would like to point out that I chopped off part of the song-this seemed a logical place to end. I did end the lyrics I used with the same ones that close the song ('****_So why are we talkin' to each other again?) _but I did cut out a repeat of the chorus.**

**Hmm, all in all, I'm not sure how I like this one. It's a bit broody, but I'm not sure how well I organised his thoughts and emotions. I also have no idea what happened to Raven, if she died or if she just disappeared-I guess that's for you to decide. I just kind of went with what popped into my head when I heard the song, and it was more Robin-centric.**

**Well, let me know what you think.. drop me a review!**

**~RukiaRae**


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